On Being a Writer Who Never Writes

"Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas everyday. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don't see any." -Orson Scott Card

I call myself a writer. I consider myself a writer. But lately I've been wondering if that's true. For claiming to be a writer, I haven't done very much writing. I think about it all the time. I even get ideas for topics to write about or stories to create. However, I rarely sit down and actually write. And that's kind of depressing.

This has been on my mind for awhile now. How can I consider myself a writer if I'm never writing? Is that hypocrisy? Or a lie? Or just delusional?

We're always told that we have certain talents. Some people have lots of talents. Some have a few. And some only have one or two. I've always considered myself in the last category. I've always considered writing one of my few talents.

What if writing isn't really my talent? What if I'm not even a good writer? Shouldn't a good writer always be writing and improving? I know I went on a mission for 18 months and I had to set aside the writing thing for awhile. I'm rusty. Seriously, I didn't realize how bad it was until recently. I just don't write like I used to. Instead of spending time trying to fix that and write a lot, I've kind of reverted to doing nothing about it. Even this new blog doesn't get a lot of action. I look at my old blog and I have 182 post over three years. There were times that I posted 3 to 4 times a week! Nowadays, I'm lucky if I make it twice a month on here. And that makes me really sad.

I'm reminded of the Parable of the Talents shared in the New Testament (Matthew 25: 14-30). One man is given five talents and he goes and invests wisely and ends up with 10 talents. A second man is given two talents and he goes and invests wisely and receives four talents. A third man receives one talent and goes and buries it in the dirt. Because he doesn't do anything with the talent he is given, the third man has to relinquish his one dirt covered talent to the first man with 10 talents. The moral of the story is: even if you only have one talent you have to use or you lose it. This scares me because I feel like I've taken my writing talent and let it get rusty and dirt covered instead of investing it wisely. I don't want to lose my few few talents because I was too lazy or busy to cultivate and use them for good.

"Keep a small can of WD-40 on your desk- away from any open flames- to remind yourself that if you don't write daily, you will get rusty." -George Singleton

I've been thinking lately of things I could do to improve upon my writing. The lists includes: blogging more, writing in a journal (I was very diligent in this on my mission up until the last 6 weeks), writing an article for the Ensign (how cool would that be to be in the Ensign?!), writing freelance articles for one of those website things, and just finally spending time working on one of my many starts to a novel. My dream is to one day have a publish novel out there but so far it hasn't happened.

I guess part of my problem is my priorities. I don't put writing at the top. I'd say it's after eating, reading, watching TV, watching movies, Pinterest, and doing nothing productive after I get home from a long day at work. So how do I make it a bigger priority? Looking at the list I can see four things that I could put writing in front of and they are listed after reading. (Reading will always be my first love. I was a reader before I ever became a writer- thanks to a wonderful librarian at McKinley Elementary school who let me check out books even when it wasn't my class's turn to be at the library. She's also the same one who lent Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to me even though it was the newest book in the library.)

I love to hear the sounds of my fingers tapping the keys on the keyboard. There's something musical about it to me. It's like I'm creating something with my hands and my mind at the same time. I've always wished I was an artist. The kind of artist that works with paint. In my mind, they have something they want to create and with purposeful strokes of the brush and color they can make something happen. That's how I feel about the computer keyboard. My fingers can tap a on the keys and make something happen on the screen. It's kind of a magical thing to me. I know that the sound can drive other people crazy but I love it.

"Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go." - E.L. Doctorow

Doubt can cause a lot of problems. I like to think that I'm a good writer. But when it comes down to it, I'm terrified that I'm actually a really bad writer. Understand that I recognize that you have to cultivate your talents. Some have "natural" talent that allows them to do really well without practice. Most of us have to work at it to get it any good. I took piano lessons until I was 15. I never practiced. I was a horrible student. My poor piano teacher. My poor mother who paid for the lessons that I never let myself really learn. Hindsight is 20/20. (Yes Mom! You were right, I do regret not sticking with the piano!) I wonder now, if I'd stayed with the piano and actually practiced, would I have been any good? Even if my skills were mostly in the church hymn area? Was that a potential talent that I could have had if I'd just applied myself? Instead I stuck it in the dirt and left it there for someone else to pick up- like an old penny on the side of the road.

"Writing is an act of faith, not a trick of grammar." -E.B. White

Even writing about not writing has been very cathartic for me. I feel that I express myself best through the written word. It's always been a very magical thing for me. When asked to write a short essay about a particular subject in which I have a lot interest in, I would always exceed the limitations. Even if I wasn't really interested in the subject I would exceed the set limitations. Sometimes, in person, I don't say a whole lot. But get me writing and it can be hard to get me to shut up. As evident in this post that I never intended to be this long. I'll be surprised if anyone actually reads to this point.

There is magic in the written word- whether I'm reading it or writing it. It's something I've been drawn to since about the second grade. And I would hate to lose that magic because, in my mind, without that magic there is nothing that makes me special. (Despite what the Lego movie says about being 'The Special'.)

"You fail only if you stop writing." - Ray Bradbury

Failure comes when you stop trying or doing. Failure is not an option. I'm too stubborn to let my mistakes in the past keep me from improving my writing. I'm beginning to realize in life that sometimes you have to learn the same lesson a few times before it finally sticks. It's taken me a long time to learn that if I want to consider myself a writer and if I want to be a good writer then I have to write.

Whether I feel if I am a good writer or not, the fact remains that there is something inside of me that yearns to create something in the form of words. Something inside of me craves and needs to express myself through the written word. It's like being thirsty for water. It sits in the back of my mind. Sometimes I'm so busy that I don't notice that it's there. But then there will be a moment when I am still and I realize how much I need that drink of water. I need to write.

"The Lord made it clear that it is not good enough for us to simply return to Him with the talents He has given us. We are to improve upon and add to our talents. He has promised that if we multiply our talents we will receive eternal joy." - Elder Ronald A. Rasband

In conclusion, in order to claim myself as a writer I need to actually write. So I've made some goals to help me do better, including blogging more often. Even if it's a short post or a really long post like this.

My name is Chuck and I'm a writer.

Smile Always,

Chuck