Hello there! So it's been a couple of weeks since I've "written" (let's be honest, I didn't write my last post... it's just a bunch of pretty pictures). I always have the intention of writing but then I get home from work and I get caught up in something else (The Lizzie Bennet Diaries).
I should start out with this disclaimer:
I HATE making mistakes. It just... oh! I just feel so dumb when I make a mistake. I'm so hard on myself when I make a mistake and I end up obsessing over it and thinking negative things about myself until I finally get sick of myself. I usually have to take a step outside of myself and say "Chuck, it's okay that you made a mistake. Learn from it and stop nitpicking it to death!"
I was thinking this yesterday. I made an account underneath another account because the new company has the EXACT same name as another company in our system. I was just doing my job but then my boss came out and pointed it out to me. I felt so dumb but honestly... they had the same name!! And I'm new. I can't possibly know that the one location is totally unrelated to the other location. I should let you know that my boss didn't yell at me or call me stupid or anything like that. But it did get kind of tense and dramatic for about an hour with her and the new customer who was calling because of the information... blah blah blah...
Afterwards, I sat there just feeling like a fool. I'm still trying to prove myself at the office. Although I'm doing well, I still feel like I'm not quite measuring up... to my incredibly high standards.
I don't like to feel like a failure. I'm already wallowing in mediocrity as it is. Not that that is a bad thing. But I always feel like I'm not living up to my potential. It's my own fault too. I let myself get lost in my introverted ways when I should be pushing myself to be better.
For example, I've been meaning to start an exercise plan since I moved to Provo. I even have a plan written down and ready to be executed. And how much have I exercised... does walking up the two flights to my apartment count as an exercise plan? So... no. I haven't exercised. And every day I'm gonna do it... and every day I come home and open my computer and get caught up in something totally not worth my time.
I recognized this last weekend. So I've been Facebook/social media free since Friday. The only exception is when I post the link to this post. That's how most people know I've blogged. And part of the reason I write this is for people to read it. Is that narcissistic? Maybe it is. But I'm a writer... I don't write just for me. I like to know that people are finding something in whatever I might write.
...What was I talking about?
Oh, right... making mistakes. So I was sitting at my desk, after the fiasco of companies with the same name, beating myself up for not being better. And then I had that moment of clarity hit me. I needed to stop being so hard on myself and just learn from the experience. I'm not going to be perfect. But I can always strive to be a little bit better. The whole purpose of making mistakes is learning how to overcome them and become something even better, greater, and a little bit more than I was before.
It was a good moment for me. I know I'll still continue to beat myself up when I make mistakes but hopefully not as much as I did last time. And hopefully I'll learn from the mistake so I can become even better at my job. And a better person.
It's a lifelong lesson to learn. Something to think about.
Happy Earth Day yesterday!
Happy Administrative Assistant Day!
Smile Always,
Chuck
