When I was a kid, I always thought that by the time I reached my mid to late twenties everything in my life would be figured out. Honestly, I was sure that by this time I would be married and in the process of starting a family and my husband would be handsome, hard working, and just perfect. I would be a writer and a home maker and our house would always be clean and I'd suddenly overnight know how to cook amazing food for him all the time.
... Guess what...
I ain't got none of that.
I don't know why in my mind, I always thought that my mid twenties were when I would be THERE. You all have your own versions of THERE. Either a physical place, spiritual place, a weight place, a marriage place, a family place. You have a THERE. It's much like in Thirteen going on Thirty when Jenna is so sure that being 30 is so much better than being 13. "Thirty, flirty, and thriving!" As she "lives" her 30s, she realizes that not everything is as wonderful as she thought.
On that note, I'm not saying that my mid-twenties are not as wonderful as I thought they would be when I was a kid. Sure, I'm not where I thought I should be and being a single Mormon in Utah isn't the easiest thing and I'm reaching the age where girls my baby brother's age are getting married and people my age are having babies. But I'm okay.
Because no one ever said that you have to have your life figured out at 25.
It can be awkward when people ask what you are up to and you answer "I'm still trying to figure it out." But let's be honest, do they have their life figured out? Uh... NO!! Just because on the outside it seems like their life is THERE doesn't mean it's so. (Remember, everyone has their own THERE.) This life is meant for continual progression. There are steps that either take us up or down and sometimes we are stuck on the same step for awhile or we keep going up and down.
I'm learning, slowly and painfully, to enjoy the time I have now. I've always spent so much time looking at what's next instead of what's now. College graduation. Mission. Marriage. Babies. But what about the time in between? What if you aren't someone who got married at 20? Or didn't get married less than a year after getting home from your mission? Or don't have a baby until 5 or 6 years into your marriage? Or what if you got a degree and now you don't know if you want to use it or not?
I thought once I graduated college, life would figure itself out. Then I went on a mission. On the mission, I thought I'd come home and life would figure itself out. Then if I moved away from home, it would figure itself out. Or if I got a new job. Guess what guys! Life never gets figured out. AND THAT'S OKAY!!!! It's okay that I'm not THERE yet.
It's okay that at 25, I still have no idea what I'm doing. And that my great american novel is still rolling around my brain waiting for me to write it. As long as I'm continuing in my progression both temporally and spiritually. That's what is important. And as long as I don't give up and never surrender!
So the moral of the story (or this slightly rambling post) is that I'm okay. I may not have that husband yet and the really clean house and I still might not really know how to cook very well but I'm okay. I'm enjoying this time to grow and discover myself and have fun in whatever way I want (as long as it's legal and doesn't break the commandments) like buy myself a TV for Christmas and go to Washington D.C. with a friend and stay up late giggling over guys in the movies with my roommates. I'm HERE. Right where I should be.
My name is Chuck and I'm okay that I'm "still figuring it out."
