Stuck in Snow

A while back, I was pulling out of a driveway after a snowstorm. I was in my Mom's GMC Envoy in four wheel drive. The driveway was not yet plowed and it was out on a country road so the snow was pretty high. I tried backing straight out but ended up getting stuck; the back wheels were stuck spinning helplessly. In an effort to pack the snow down, I went forward again before going backwards. Several more attempts left me still stuck in the snow. A surge of panic settled in the pit of my stomach as I tried to find a way out of this driveway. In one last attempt to get out of the snow, I went forward at an angle and then revved the Envoy into reverse. I made it onto the road. The rush of adrenaline finally faded as I drove away.

 I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I'm stuck in the snow. I keep trying to move forward or backward but my wheels seem to be stuck spinning helplessly. I've been struggling with post mission blues and the anxiety and stress that comes with searching for a "grown-up" job in my chosen field. I'll have days where I feel like it's finally going my way. Then I'll have days where I feel weighed down by the heavy weight of self-inflicted pressures to be an adult. I know that a big part of the problem is that I'm not being patient. 

"I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen- patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn't appear instantly or without effort... Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardships with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!" -Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Continue in Patience 

 Patience means active waiting and enduring. Patience isn't about sitting around waiting for stuff to happen. It means continuing to move forward with the hope that what you're waiting for is going to happen. That's so hard! Patience has to be one of the hardest virtues to develop. But it's also very worthwhile.

"We will get promptings of the Spirit when we have done everything we can, when we are out in the sun working rather than sitting back in the shade praying for direction on the first step to take. Revelation comes when the children of God are on the move. So we do all we can. Then we wait upon the Lord for His revelation. He has his own timetable." -Elder Dallin H. Oaks In His Own Time, In His Own Way 

Part of patience is trusting in the Lord and His time. Do I? I think I'm learning. Part of mortality is continual learning. We're not going to have all the answers at any one point of our lives. I certainly don't have all the answers. But I'm learning the answers I need now. Patience. Humility. Diligence. And enduring well even when I feel like I'm stuck in a snow bank with my wheels spinning as I try to get out. It'll all be worth it in the end.

I know it.

"Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." -Doctrine & Covenants 123:17

Smile Always,

Chuck

Chuck's Grand Adventure (With Trusty Co-pilot, Legs)

[Well, it's been weeks since I've posted anything. My days of silence are over!]

Introducing: Chuck's Grand Adventure (With Trusty Co-pilot, Legs)!!!! Do-do-dooo!

I did something crazy and went on my very first grown-up road trip. Okay, it doesn't sound that crazy. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm not one to do stuff like that. I was invited to California by a girl I worked with while on my mission and for once, I didn't say no. Legs (name has been changed to protect identity... hahaha), called me up and asked me to go with her. After seven different plans made, we finally ended up taking her car and just driving it to California.

Day 0.5

My Luggage on the train

I took the train from Ogden to Orem where Legs picked me up. We spent the night at a mutual companion's family's house.

The train arrived at the Orem station on time. I grabbed my bags (pictured on the left) and stepped out into the cold. Legs was running late. I watched as everyone around me got into waiting vehicles. I was soon left standing alone, freezing at the train station. Happy New Years Eve to me. Don't worry. Legs showed up soon enough. I got to see some fireworks in the meantime.

Legs and I hung out with the A family and played a game, watched the ball drop- or didn't because we were on the wrong channel, and then toasted with grape juice to a new year.

Day 1

We packed up the '72 Volkswagon Bug and headed to California.

St. George Temple

Aside from a short stop in St. George to eat and see the temple, the trip was pretty uneventful... until we got  about 20 miles outside of Las Vegas.

Poor broken down Bug. Smile Always Bug.

That's when it all went down. Legs was driving the car (I didn't know how to drive stick shift) when the car started to die. I tried not to panic but let's be honest, I was kind of freaked out. However, something I've learned is that freaking out will do nothing in a situation but stress me out. So I stayed calm as Legs pulled to the side of the road and checked out poor little Bug. After making some phone calls, AAA was on their way and we had nothing to do but wait. I was quite impressed that I remained so calm. It turns out, the poor little bug was simply out of gas. The gas gauge was broken. We promised each other to never let the gas get low again. That was nearly 2 hours of our trip spent on the side of the road. Despite the slow down, we both remained in good spirits.

 Day 2

The Pier

The Bug at the beach

We spent the night in Huntington Beach with the awesome W family. Legs and I went to the beach. While on my mission, I was unable to go to the beach. I was anxious to touch the sand and to see the waves. The sun was shining so bright and it felt so good to shed my coat and walk around in a pair of flip flops. I couldn't believe it was January and it felt so warm. We walked along the pier and people watched.

Huntington Beach, CA

Legs and I split up in the afternoon. I went to Lakewood to spend time with Sister R and then to spend the night with the M family in Garden Grove. I had such a great time just catching up and talking. I don't need much to keep me entertained. It felt so good to see these families that I served around and to spend time with them. I loved it.


Day 3

P and B with the Chocolate Factory Bear

Legs taking a picture of D, B, and P

Legs picked me up in Garden Grove and we headed back to Huntington Beach to meet with D and her kids, B and P. Legs and I were the ones to teach D the gospel and help her join the church. She is so awesome and I loved being able to see them. We ate lunch at this cool sidewalk cafe called the Sugar Shack. After lunch and a visit to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory across the street, we walked a couple of blocks to the beach. This day was cool and the wind was chilly. But we still went out onto the beach and enjoyed the feel of the ocean. I didn't go anywhere near the water. I was cold enough as it was. But I still enjoyed the surprisingly warm sand between my toes.

Sister K, Legs, Sister A, and R eating Thai food

That evening, Legs and I babysat R for the W family. It was a lot of fun. We watched several hours of Curious George, ate Thai food with the Sister Missionaries, and played with 2 year old R. I enjoyed it immensely. R is such a funny kid. He loves Curious George and garbage trucks. I'm glad I got to hang out with him so much during my visit.





Day 4

L, Legs, K, J, and Chuck

The whole purpose of our visit was to go with K to the Los Angeles temple before she heads of on her mission to Denver Colorado. It was such a wonderful experience to see her and to see so many people I've come to love over the last 18 months. I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to be a part of such a special day. Thanks K for inviting me to be there. I'm glad I chose to came. Legs and I enjoyed our visit to the L.A. temple.

Me and Legs outside the LA Temple

 We enjoyed dinner with K and her family before we headed back to Huntington Beach to spend time with the W family again. I got to brush up on my Dr. Mario skills... meaning I stink at Dr. Mario. But it was fun to play against Brother W and then afterwards to play with Sister W.


Day 5

We attended three different wards. By attended, I mean we made brief visits to these wards. First it was what was formerly known as HB 4th ward (I don't remember the new name for it). Then we headed up to Westminster ward. Legs is quite the celebrity there. Everyone was so excited to see her. It was really cool to see the love those members have for her. Afterwards we rushed up to the El Dorado ward (my last ward) to drop something off to one of the sister missionaries. It felt really good to see some of my old companions (Sister M and Sister B) as well as other ward members. I got to hug some of them. Haha. And I got some phone numbers so we can keep in touch. I'm grateful we had the opportunity to stop by these wards and say hi to some of the members. I wish the trip was one that I could see everyone I wanted to but unfortunately we just didn't have the time.

Our original plan had us heading back to Utah on day 5 but we decided it would be best to spend one more night in California and leave in the morning. We stayed with Legs family, the W's (different from the HB Ws.) in Yorba Linda.

Day 6

We started our journey back to Utah. This time, there were no unexpected stops on the side of the freeway. I was so grateful to see the Utah sign.

Back in UTAH!!

Oh, and I learned/am learning how to drive a stick shift. Legs decided that I needed to know. I have to confess that I was quite nervous to get behind the wheel of the bug but I came on this trip for adventures. Learning to drive stick shift is certainly an adventure. Driving along the freeway wasn't so bad but when we had to stop in Las Vegas for gas... well we almost died a couple of times. Never fear though, Legs helped me out and we made it semi-safely to the gas station. She took over driving until we got to St. George. Then I pulled out of the gas station at St. George. I only killed the engine twice before getting on the freeway. And of course, Legs was filming the whole thing... great...


We stopped in Cedar City so I could visit my little brother and then we were back on the road. We rolled into Orem around 8 or 8:30-ish. Our Grand Adventure came to an end.

At the conclusion of this Grand Adventure, I feel like I learned so much. It was a much needed escape for me. Now that I'm home, I feel so refreshed and ready to start my future. It's not an easy journey to embark but after some time away, I feel like I have clarity.

I am so glad that I did something adventurous and out of the ordinary. It helped me more than I thought possible. Having Legs along for the adventure helped me as well. She's the kind of person that really pushes me to step outside my comfort zone (like learning to drive stick shift). She's always been that way with me, especially when we were companions. I am so grateful for her and for our friendship that we have.

There you go. That's the tale of my "Grand Adventure". I loved it! I hope you all have your own "Grand Adventures" to tell about. In the mean time...

Remember to Smile Always,

Chuck

Trees of Doubt Fruit

It's hard to be a grown up.

I'm one of those people that likes to know exactly what she's doing before she does it. I don't like feeling flustered or ignorant. However, I know that life is all about learning and growing... on the spot. You can't learn and grow before you actually start life... can you?

I'm in the middle of a job search. it's really discouraging for me. Ever since I was 16, I've had a job. I've been working, making money, feeling like I'm contributing to society (as much as you can at Wendys and the local grocery store). I didn't realize how hard it would be to come back after 18 months and find a job.

In no way, shape, or form do I regret serving a mission. It was the best thing I could have ever done. The experience of sharing the gospel and talking to complete strangers and living a missionary life shaped me into who I am now. I can never regret that.

I guess my regrets stem from before that, from when I was still in college. Hindsight is 20/20. Why didn't I do an internship? Why didn't I get experience by working with people as a student? Why did I waste my time simply going through the motions of school? I'm feeling it now as I try to search for a job in my field only to feel the overwhelming shadow of lack of experience hang over my head. I have good qualities. I'm a hard worker. I'm honest and dependable. I'm good with people (at least I try to be). I have qualities like that in me. But as for being a technical writer... I got nothing. Just the assignments and projects I did in school.

There is the very heavy and very loaded question of... is this what I want to do?

All I want to do is to write. That's my passion. That's my love. Writing. Technical writing is something I do because I know I can use my skills and make a living. It's not something I love, per se, however I do enjoy it to an extent. Life is just so complicated. Today, I sat at my computer and started looking for jobs... and I felt a wave of discouragement wash over me. "Who would hire me?" I thought to myself. "What do I have to offer?"

Satan does that to us, you know. He makes us start to doubt. And then our doubts grow into big, gigantic trees full of doubt fruits that hang out in our backyard. Whenever we start to let those doubts into our head... it's like taking a big bite of the fruit from our doubt tree. And Satan just relishes it.

Heavenly Father, however, has a whole forest full of trees loaded with faith, patience, hope, and every other good thing that comes from Him (which is every good thing!). He loads a basket of good fruit and sets in on our back porch, waiting for us to open the door and take it inside. Sometimes, the hardest thing in life is opening that door. It requires faith that everything is going to work out. And that's really hard. It's something I'm struggling with right now. It's something we all struggle with every day.

I guess I struggle with forgetting where my fears really originate from.  "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Fear doesn't come from God. It comes from Satan. I need to remember that. Heavenly Father isn't out to get me. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to feel successful. I want to feel that way too. So I know what I need to do...

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." (Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

Yes, I have to acknowledge that finding a job is going to be much harder than I anticipated. Don't we learn that all the best things come through sacrifice and through working for them? Every day we have to work to stay on the path back to Heavenly Father. We can't just say "that's my destination" and expect to get there. We have to work for it: scripture study, prayer, church attendance, fulfilling callings, attending the temple. All of these things will keep us on that road we need to stay on, the strait and narrow way.

So fears... you can just go jump up a tree! I have Someone on my side who will help me have the faith to keep going forward. He is my Savior and Redeemer. He is the one who laid down His life so I can have mine again. He is Jesus Christ.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

This post started out as something entirely different. It was meant for me to talk about the challenges of finding a job. However, as I write I often find myself pouring out all that is in my mind. The root of my problem has been fear. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. And fear of growing up.

It's time to let the fear go.

It's time to let my faith grow.

Smile Always,

Chuck

A Hallmark Christmas

Do you know something that I missed last Christmas? ...What am I thinking? Of course you don't know. That's the whole purpose of me even writing this post.

I should probably tell you.

Something I missed last Christmas was... Hallmark movies!! (And ABC Family movies).

I know what you are probably thinking. Actually I don't. I think I need to stop being so presumptuous. Okay, here's what I think about myself for liking Hallmark channel... I'm sentimental, crazy, corny, and a romantic. :) Is this news to anyone?

I love Hallmark channel's Christmas movies the most. Granted, some are ridiculously corny and I cannot stand to watch them. For the most part though, I love them. I love the sweetness of the stories. Most of them are clean- huge plus in this day and age. I just love how at the end, now matter how corny and dorky and romantic the stories, I sit back and sigh. It's like reading a good book.

Life doesn't have to be an adventure- although sometimes it is. Haha. It's nice to have moments where life is just sweet. That's not to say that I believe that life should be a Hallmark movie... hahahaha. That's a little too corny and dorky for me. I wouldn't mind having "Hallmark moments" in my life though.

Those moments when everything seems to work. The guy and the girl... have spark. When the sweet little family is gathered around the Christmas tree and the lights are on and it's... magical. Just moments is all. I know everything can't be magic all the time... unless you live in Harry Potter's world.

I guess this causes me to reflect on the magic moments in my own life. The moment I hugged my nephew in the airport. Seeing the Christmas lights in Temple Square with mission friends. Sitting on the couch in my living room watching a movie with my mom and dad.

Sure there may not have been beautiful instrumental music playing in the background as these magic moments happened but music does not magic make... although music can be magical.

I missed the magic of Christmas last year. The magic that comes from the sweet moments with family, friends, and loved-ones. As I write this, I think of other magical moments that I had while on my mission. Sister M and I were companions at the time and we had so many magical moments together. Decorating Christmas trees for some elderly women in the ward we served in. Going caroling with the Relief Society. Making German pancakes on Christmas morning and eating them before opening our presents.

It's like that song that George Strait sings: "Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away..."


Look for those moments that take your breath away. Look for the magic in your life. Find the Hallmark corniness in your Christmas.


Smile Always,


Chuck