How Do You Know?

I've done it: I've finished school, served a mission, gotten a job, moved out of my parents' house, and I have my own car. So now what? 

What's the next step? I know it starts with D and leads to M. That's right. Dating leads to marriage. And to be honest, I'm kind of scared of that like kind of commitment. Don't get me wrong, I want it. I know it is essential to the Plan of Salvation and all that jazz but it's scary to put yourself out there like that. 

And how do you know? How do you know if what you feel is temporary attraction for someone or the real thing? That L thing? Love has always been confusing to me. Not the familial or frienship love that we all feel for those around us, but the romantic "his and her towels" (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) kind of love. 

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines love as the following: [NOUN] 1) Strong affection, 2) warm attachment, 3) attraction based on sexual desire, 5) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others. [VERB] 1) cherish, 2) to feel a passion, devotion, or tenderness for.

The King James Bible Dictionary defines love as: CHARITY: the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deeds of benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive. [And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things... But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. -Moroni 7:45, 47] 

So how do you know? How do you know if you have mere affection for a person or if you have that "unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for others" or as the scriptures say "charity" or the "pure love of Christ"? 

I guess it's when you can accept a person flaws and all. None of us are perfect. That is our whole purpose in this life isn't it? To work toward perfection? But I digress. 

My whole purpose was to pose the question that I have struggled with ever since I reached a certain age. Again, how do you know if it's simple attraction or if you love a person? This is romantic love I'm referring to. I'm not looking for some grand gesture of love. I just want somebody who wants to spend time with me. Somebody who knows who I am and accepts me for me. Just as I wish to accept them for who they are. 

This isn't at all how I thought this post would turn out. Usually once I start writing, something totally different than what I planned flows from my fingertips. 

If anyone has an answer for me, I'd love to hear it. 

Before my mission, as a college student, I was introduced to a blog where the author did "Dear Boys" letters. I'm not sure if she still does because I haven't read her blog in probably two years. But I decided to do a couple of "Dear Boys" letters. (I've done this on my old blog so those of you who have read it should be familiar with the format). 

Dear Wonderful,
Are you really as Wonderful as I think? How is a girl supposed to know if you are wonderful from so far away? Wishful thinking has me hoping you are wondering the same about me. 

Hopefully yours,
Chuck

Dear Small Town Boy,
Age is just a number and I'm reconsidering all my preconceived notions. You are what you seem and there's nothing wrong with that. Don't give up.  

Love,
Chuck

Dear Mr. Right,
Please tell me you are right around the corner. I'm not getting any younger and I think I'm finally ready for you. I hope I recognize you for who you are when I finally meet you. Please don't wait too long to ride into my life on your white horse. 

Yours always,
Chuck

This post as been one of reflection for me. I've pondered this topic often as I've come to seriously consider the M word. I know that the day will come that I will recognize Mr. Right and it'll all work out. The hardest part is having faith that I'll know it when it happens and that I'll have the faith to trust him, whoever he is, to not let me down and break my heart.  

As I've come to learn over the last couple of years though, and I've shared it on here before, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." As painful as it sounds, being single is comfortable. All you have is yourself. No one else's feelings to worry about. No heartbreak because you can keep yourself in your little self-contained bubble. You don't have to worry. You don't have to stress. You can spend your Friday nights watching Star Wars and blogging about love like I'm doing. But in the end, you feel alone. You feel like you are missing something that other people have... you don't feel as happy as you know you could be. You are safe but are you happy? Without risk, there is not real reward. A lesson I am learning the longer I'm alive. 

Well, I feel I have beaten this topic to death enough tonight. I just wanted to get it all out on paper computer screen. And I'm serious, if any of you have answers for me please let me know. I could use all the help I can get on this topic. 

"Never give up! Never surrender!" -Galaxy Quest

Smile Always,

Chuck